F*%$ IT... (Decisions)

Some days you wanna be better

and some days y

ou just want to get through the best way you know how...

And some days you would just rather not feel anything at all...

but the rush of adrenaline

of all of those behaviors...

They understand you.

They get you.

Better than anyone.

They know how to make it all better.

In one decision.

Then Multiple decisions.

You're constantly on the edge of self-improvement or fuck

.

between what is new and what is familiar.

doing what is comfortable so you don't have to think about it anymore.

Obsess over it.

Shaming yourself for falling back into those old patterns.

Then hating yourself for it.

I don't want to lose myself in theory...

but I know I'm losing myself in time.

ya know.

There's no such thing as changing...

You just make different decisions... better decisions

and over time you hope... that they outweigh the previous ones.

The bad ones

One day at a time.

What do you think about at night?

There's a lot to unpack in the dark.

Almost paralyzing to think about how many things can run through your mind at once.

At night everything has a chance to settle

and that's when everything truly starts to come to the surface.

Conversations that I hear in the dark.

Lusts, passions, regrets... lies that change when the sun goes down to when the sun comes up.

Completely different than thoughts and conversations in the morning.

That's why I like the dark.

You can grasp all intentions.

No matter how daunting, or how left your mind might go, all the answers are there.

It's all there.

What do you think about?

What haunts you during the dusk?

She Said.

I think that I'm going to need that cigarette now...

Sorry that I am so snappy

I am just drinking less now.

Choose a strain and I promise I would choose you.

Know the shame and I swear I don't deserve you.

I think I went crazy when I put down the wine.

Nothing is more scary than a lucid mind.

My ode to you.

If Only I could find a way to pay the rent, I swear I'd be gone.

"Why do you have to act like that always..."

That's what she said.

My God.

"Why you have to act like that always..."