Some days you wanna be better
and some days y
ou just want to get through the best way you know how...
And some days you would just rather not feel anything at all...
but the rush of adrenaline
of all of those behaviors...
They understand you.
They get you.
Better than anyone.
They know how to make it all better.
In one decision.
Then Multiple decisions.
You're constantly on the edge of self-improvement or fuck
between what is new and what is familiar.
doing what is comfortable so you don't have to think about it anymore.
Obsess over it.
Shaming yourself for falling back into those old patterns.
Then hating yourself for it.
I don't want to lose myself in theory...
but I know I'm losing myself in time.
There's no such thing as changing...
You just make different decisions... better decisions
and over time you hope... that they outweigh the previous ones.
The bad ones
One day at a time.